The Definitive Phase

:The Phases and Faces of Hypomania

Some people will be quite forward with me, “you’re doing my head in. Go away.” My partner, and nurses on a ward mainly who refuse to talk to me unless I stop pacing around them in circles as fast as my feet will carry me. Other people try to be more discreet, “I’m just going to go downstairs”, “I’m just going to go and get a drink.” and “I’m tired. I’m going to bed now” are all hints I’ve received under the suspicion that actually, I’m just doing their head in.

I know it. I can sense it. Do I care? Not really. I will want you to stay because for that moment you are my entertainment source to spout all my nonsense onto, to force to dance with me and to dance around in circles like I’m a witch dancing a hokey pokey to some form of witch craft ritual of absurd movements, expressive jumps and jaunts of the body.

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Tactless as ever, I’m not a very tactful person at best, I will say, “I’m doing your head in aren’t I?” That won’t stop me though, even if you answer ‘yes’.  I will observe that I am annoying everyone around me and continue regardless. I will ask and say things that make people feel uncomfortable and keep on about it, like how you should get a girlfriend and lets set up an online dating profile for you, about how you guys make a cute couple and I bet you have really great sex, and observing out loud that complete strangers are ‘fit’ or that ‘I’d bang them’. This isn’t how I would normally talk. Banging in this context doesn’t usually enter my vocabulary because not only do I have the guts to say anything and everything, I go that mile extra with a whole bag of zero fucks to give about saying it.

This is a sign of the definitive period. This is when I start to realise I may be hypomanic. I am aware that not everyone around me is enjoying the walking talking party that i have become. People hold back, people leave the room, they go home and I have to find someone else to essentially be my toy to play with until they fuck off and I need to find someone else to annoy.

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Everyone is my friend and I will talk and talk at anyone who even feigns to listen whilst I crack offensive joke after offensive joke – and find each and every one far too hilarious to keep standing up straight. Everyone is my friend, but I’m not everyone’s friend at this stage. Even with the realisation that I may be hypomanic it is usually a bit late to do all the ‘keep calm’ techniques because I’m far too wound up, far too fast and I find sitting still far too agitating by this point.

 

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