Low on The Battle Field

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I’m starting to get the symptoms of a low mood episode. I’m staying bed a lot instead of doing the things I’m supposed to be doing, which is having a knock on effect on my diet and fitbit steps, which makes me more sad and more like staying in bed. It’s a vicious circle that only spirals in one direction – although it is possible to travel in the other direction, or even stop it, but it requires effort, lots and lots of effort. Effort is a difficult resource to come across when you’re on the one stop helter-skelter to the oblivion of doom.

OK, so that’s a tad dramatic but you get the picture. I’m managing to wake up in the morning and make lists of what i want to do, then when I stop, bam! It hits me like whip lash – this sudden gloom and despair and I want to cry but I can’t, and I’m anxious about everything so I take promethazine to induce a sleeping coma for a few hours in a hopeful bid that I’ll feel better, but when I’ve been sleeping in the day I wake up disappointed that I woke up – and that is a shitty place to be.

So as I was going through my excuses to taper back my exercising regime, too fat too tired, too low…. stop right there? Too low? Heck why are you running in the first place were some of the firm words I had to have with myself. Oh shit yeah, to help manage my mental health so there’s no time like now that I need to be able to get up and exercise. I need those extra serotonin parcels to be delivered to my brain and I need to feel some sort of achievement and I need some form of structure and accomplishment added to my day – so of course I need to exercise.

Heck, it’s more important now than when I’m super well and dandy that I exercise so with that in mind I’m off to the gym later after group and it may be hell but heck, I may and most likely will enjoy it also. Come on, you’ve got this!

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