So I came crashing back down to earth today. I’ve slept for 14 hours and took a day off my diet, which I may regret because I’ve eaten a lot, but I needed to rest, as you can probably tell from my 14 hours of sleep. I think my episode exhausted my body and mind entirely but I’m hoping I don’t crash and burn in the sense that I become depressed again but more that the arioiprazole may be starting to work in conjunction with my increased citalopram.
At least everything is a normal pace again, and at least I’m not feeling depressed. I’m just physically exhausted. I’m going to bed early in the hope that I can stop yawning and have a normal day tomorrow as I have plans. I managed though, despite how I’m feeling to make it to my volunteering introduction which has made me nervous. I’m worried I won’t be able to do the role, and that it is or will be too difficult for me. They are being very agreeable in helping me ease into the working process again though, with my starting on half days of a few hours each week until I’m ready to do more.
I hope I can manage to be successful in the role, enough to get a reference at least so I can do something more with my time work wise eventually. I have been looking for something easier though, because I’m concerned that the role of events organising might be too much for me. I feel nervous. I don’t know if this belief of myself fits the facts that I can’t do it, or if it is just that, nerves. I’m unsure. I’m trying here to use wise mind which combines emotions and logic mind. Emotion mind is telling me to run a few miles in the opposite direction of this opportunity, whereas logic mind is telling me I can do it.
I don’t know. Perhaps I’m just nervous.