It’s official. The scales and calculations have summed up that I am now overweight. For anyone this is a dilemma, but for someone who spent the best part of 10 years bulimia or anorexic this is even more of a dilemma. How do I control my weight without using it as a means to control my life. I’m not sure.
Currently I control my life in many ways, but how do I calorie count – because yes, I’ve tried eating without calorie counting and it’s not worked at managing my weight – without becoming obsessed with food in an unhealthy way? I’m not sure. This is a journey I’m going to have to go on, and fortunately or unfortunately, I don’t know if this makes for brilliant reading or not drag you guys along with me.
So the plan is to average at 1200 calorie intake a day – I know I’m already pushing it to the minimum, but I wear a fitbit which tells me how many extra calories I can eat due to activity so it’s not all bad. The more I move, the more I can eat. The more I can eat freely, the less restrictive things may seem except for the scanning of every fucking thing I want to eat into MyFitnessPal. As you can see, I’m thrilled to be on a diet again.
I think I have a vague memory of swearing to never diet again but admitting that if I ever became overweight then this would change – which it is, as of immediately. I plan to go on a run today: having peeked out the curtain it looks like a nice day to go running so hopefully it will be enjoyable. I am also vowing to not add sugar to my tea and coffee to help with this dilemma because I have been freely pouring the delightfully sweet stuff into my cups of tea and coffee – of which I drink a LOT.
So I’m about to embark on a journey titled something along the liens of: How an overweight ex-anorexic loses weight without using eating disordered methods. It sounds like a book idea to be honest.
I will keep you updated.