Finding Hope

Last week was bad. I know what the problem was. I’m depressed and I lost hope. Hope is the key to fighting depression. The hope that it will one day get better, the hope that this black cloud that gets progressively darker will eventually pass. The hope that this, I, my life can and will get better was snatched from me. 

I’m sorry to admit it to you guys as I try to be a beacon of hope for those struggling but I tried two nights in a row to take my own life. I was admitted to hospital and again I tried to take my life and at the time- to my dismay- it didn’t work out. 

It made me think that perhaps it’s not supposed to be. I’m not supposed to die but that wasn’t enough. I needed to die. I saw the Dr today though and he gave me hope in that my meds have been increased. My antipsychotic is used as a mood stabiliser and my anti depressant is also being increased. This gives me hope. I don’t like that I rely on medication as a crutch but I have come to a place where I can admit and accept the help of medication to help me manage my conditions. 

It seems so simple but it’s given me hope that maybe something inside me might change. It’s something else to try. Something new to help me- and that is something to be hopeful for. 


11 thoughts on “Finding Hope

  1. Hope is what we all survive on. Hope in today, and hope in tomorrow. We inhale hope and we exhale hope. I’m so sorry you have felt such despair as to want to end it all. Take that hope the doc has given you in your medication and run with it. You’ll be surprised, we’re all much stronger than we think. I hope that hope sustains you. And keep writing, we are all here to support you ❤

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you for re-posting and your’e support during this difficult time. It really helped to know people out there not only care, but get it. It’s one of the reasons as to why I write. xx

      Liked by 2 people

  2. DDS like you, I once lost Hope in 2009 and even a 5 month pregnancy wasn’t reason for me to hope. I picked up a knife 🔪 and attempted to kill myself. I failed and sunk, but it was from that floor that I Again caught a glimmer of Hope. Yours is in those meds tweek, stay with it jealousy and hopefully if you nurture it one tiny 💧 by 💧, it will bloom into a better tomorrow. Please keep writing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank for your story and relating. I’m sorry you too have been through this, but I am feeling better now. My new found hope in my medication tweak turned out to be worth holding on for as I’m feeling much better now. xx

      Liked by 1 person

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