I finished my second year in 2011. I remember spending evening after evening in the library trying to finish and move on with my studies. It was difficult for me, and I had mastered not eating for days on end resulting in a steep decline in my weight. I would listen to songs on repeat that resonated with my struggles at the time. I was no longer in denial with myself: I knew I was ill and had realised that I was starting to lose control. I had accepted a referral to the Maudsley for relapse prevention, but my relapse had become suffocating – and I no longer wanted ripping from my comfortable starvation, despite being scared at how low my weight had dropped in the Dr’s office.