I have been absent from my site for a wee while.
Where have I been?
Well, for a while I was face planting my bed, or my sofa whilst being caught up in a crippling depression. It was horrible, and it was scary. I have been equally depressed before, but this time I was scared since I have been recovering I Have realised that I don’t want to end my life, and that I have a lot to live for. I became scared of my depression trying to steal this from me, and of my depression convincing me that I had nothing to live for and I was a stupid fool for even trying to lead a life I might quite like.
It happened but I managed to not make an attempt on my life. I remember being so paralysed that I had become convinced I would be better off dead yet I didn’t even have the energy or motivation to carry out the act. Fortunately, after I started to pick up this improved.
I took a month out of college – however, I have since returned. I have been trying to complete my college work and have received offers from universities that I want to go to. I have started exercising again, and am now training for my first few races. Yet I still have down days, and I still have my moments but I am managing to power through and work towards recovery and living.
During all of this though I have been put under a new team so I have more specialist and consistent support for incase I become unwell again. Which is good, and I am taking another medication which although it makes me quite tired and lethargic, it eases the depression – and I would much rather take a bit of tiredness over feeling so low again.
So here’s to coming out of it – and getting back on track with my life. I dare say, you’ll be see in much more of me from now on.