Where’ve I Been?

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I have been absent from my site for a wee while.

Where have I been?

Well, for a while I was face planting my bed, or my sofa whilst being caught up in a crippling depression. It was horrible, and it was scary. I have been equally depressed before, but this time I was scared since I have been recovering I Have realised that I don’t want to end my life, and that I have a lot to live for. I became scared of my depression trying to steal this from me, and of my depression convincing me that I had nothing to live for and I was a stupid fool for even trying to lead a life I might quite like.

It happened but I managed to not make an attempt on my life. I remember being so paralysed that I had become convinced I would be better off dead yet I didn’t even have the energy or motivation to carry out the act. Fortunately, after I started to pick up this improved.

I took a month out of college – however, I have since returned. I have been trying to complete my college work and have received offers from universities that I want to go to. I have started exercising again, and am now training for my first few races. Yet I still have down days, and I still have my moments but I am managing to power through and work towards recovery and living.

During all of this though I have been put under a new team so I have more specialist and consistent support for incase I become unwell again. Which is good, and I am taking another medication which although it makes me quite tired and lethargic, it eases the depression – and I would much rather take a bit of tiredness over feeling so low again.

So here’s to coming out of it – and getting back on track with my life. I dare say, you’ll be see in much more of me from now on.

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One thought on “Where’ve I Been?

  1. Reblogged this on Jamie's Mental Health Blog and commented:
    This one really registered with me. Mainly because of the struggles with depression, contrasted with the new found hope. I too have been finding things really very tough lately. I’m just taking each day as it comes at the moment and each week. I’m sure things are going to improve and the days currently are not turning out as bad as I’d expected. I relate it to when I used to cry myself to sleep, crippled by loneliness.

    Like

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