I tried to socialise with people from school. I accepted party invites and threw parties of my own -all in the name of finding that elusive thing called friendship that everyone around me seemed to have except me. I had acquaintances for sure, but who could I talk to, who could I go out with on a quiet night out. Who did I text or call? No-one. The whole time I had my ‘dirty little secret’ – although I remain unsure about who secret it really was, and how many people just didn’t talk about it. I especially didn’t talk about it, except for with my therapist Laura.
I saw her for 2 1/2 years and feel like she was the only person who really knew me at the time in my life – and she knew it. At the en of therapy she thanked me for showing her the side of me that I didn’t really show to anyone else. I thanked her for listening, and giving me her time for so long. Upon leaving I gave her a card, and in it I wrote the lyrics to one of my favourite crystal castle songs. I was hopeful for the future now that I was leaving school and starting art school.
I didn’t realised it at the time, but saying good bye to Laura was the end of an era. I didn’t give the ‘Goodbye’ enough credit or importance, probably because I detached myself from my feelings at the time. I still remember though.