I have had mental health difficulties for a long time now. I am 24, I first started to realise that I was very sad, and distressed within myself at the age of 13. I had a boyfriend, but for some reason I was struggling with myself in being with him. I often felt violated, despite sometimes initiating and wanting to be with him. It was not only confusing, but painful in a way that I can’t quite depict.
I would write as a means of private self expression: teenage angst would have been one explanation, however in hindsight I would now say that perhaps it was a bit more than teenage angst. I was often scared at home. My parents would argue violently, and the aggression, tension and hostility in my home environment made life difficult for me. The first song of my journey is Mad World by Gary Jules.
It was also during this time that I was working for the family business, with no choice in what I was doing with my life. I had no control over my life. I was missing school against my will and the lack of autonomy within my own life peaked.
From here on, from what I had witnessed at home, all I ever wanted in life was to be happy. To find something fulfilling to do with myself, and be happy. I was listening to One Giant Leap a lot at this time, because I really enjoyed the music. Some of it stuck with me though. One song in particular that did this was Racing Away by One Giant Leap ft. Grant Lee Philips & Horace Andy.